Red Hook

Stalking Bigfoot with Nathan Prize

by Peter Vantouth, Red Hook Herald

It just goes to show, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.

Last Saturday’s Town Hall meeting may have been just another boring affair of small town politics, but the real revelations as to our Mayor, Nathan Prize, came about afterward. An unplanned hike out to the closed down Sleepaway Camp. An unexpected encounter with Red Hook’s own Shatewan, our name for Sasquatch (or “Big Foot”). A man with no memory of who he was. Red Hook truly is home to mysteries, and our Mayor doesn’t shy away from them!

First things first. Our story began a few days before with a naked man stumbling out of the woods. A man with no hair from head to toe, no memory of who he is, no identity or injury. Who is he? We’ll call him “Dan.” Mystery man Dan seems to not exist. Not in any database I’ve looked in. No Milk Carton face for our man Dan. Abducted by aliens? Maybe. But I’ve yet to see any men in black hunting this forgetful fugitive. At the post Town Hall meeting the Mayor seemed intrigued by his plight, and he offered to look in to his case.

Now, as you all know from previous reports, I’ve long searched for more concrete evidence of Bigfoot, but except for a few blurry photos and recordings I (like many of my fellow Crytozoologists) have yet to gain the evidence to bring proper recognition to this strange, elusive inhabitant of our woods. As the night wore on and the event wrapped up, Mr. Prize came up with the idea of a midnight walk out where I’d most recently heard the elusive creature’s call, the currently closed Sleepaway Camp. Surprisingly several others took an interest in joining our nocturnal hunt, and soon Dan & I found myself leading an unplanned exploration with not only our Mayor, Mr. Prize, and his recently hired personal aid, Richard Abaddon, but Red Hook’s own darling, Sammantha Burgoi, and two of the Town’s finest, Deputies Nainking & Smith, there to keep us safe from Sasquatch, Spook or Extraterrestrial.

Well, the Shatewan proved as elusive as ever, but we heard it’s striking call, and smelled it’s distinctive scent. It was out there, watching us, that I think we can all agree. Of the rest – ghosts, goblins, or alien lights – we saw no sign.

But trust me, true believers. Mayor Prize has heard that call and tasted that mystery. And unlike prior holders of that post, I think he might just see to it we’ll finally get to the bottom of this mystery. The mystery that is Red Hook.

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