Red Hook

Burgoi Birthday Bash
by Peter Vantouth, Red Hook Herald

The 25th birthday celebration was an elegant affair for Red Hook’s elite, and town beauty Samantha Burgoi was the Belle of the Ball. Attended by many of the far-flung Garnett clan, it marked the return of Samantha’s sister Rachel, as well as distant cousin Seleus Garnett the III (of the Italian Garnett branch claiming decent from none other than the town founder of the same name), as well as town luminaries Nathan Prize and John Pelham.

While I’m sure the gossip of who wore what and who was seen dancing with whom will quite captivate those who like to read such details, I’ll stick to some juicier bits overheard. An unnamed source tells me the Burgoi – owned international business is looking to our evergreen hills for establishing their next venture, possibly bringing yet another much needed boost to our town’s long-suffering economy, presuming our Mayor, Nathan Prize, can be brought on board to seal the deal.

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Museum Curator injured in late night robbery
by Lois Prescott, Red Hook Herald

Details are sketchy, but according to police Museum Curator Margaret O’Hannigan suffered a head-injury last night when she startled a burglar while working late. Deputies Devon Smith and Joseph Nainking were first on the scene and saw to it she received prompt treatment from Dr. Lydia Smith-Williams. “Her head trauma seemed initially to indicate a blow to the head, consistent to a fall against a cabinet corner,” Dr. Smith-Williams stated, “and the initial concussion looked life threatening. Luckily the injury proved superficial and it looks like she’ll make a full recovery.”

Ms. O’Hannigan will likely be staying off her feet for a few days, though fans of the Red Hook Museum needn’t worry as society darling Samantha Burgoi has volunteered to help manage things until the curator is back on her feet. Though a suspect was brought in, he was shortly released, Sheriff Stone stating the suspect’s alibi checks out at this time. O’Hannigan reports only one item was stolen, a Manitou statue found at the recent Indian Artifact dig-site, one of the few artifacts not taken for study by the University of Seattle.

Readers may recall the protests last year by local reservation Indians over the supposed desecration of ancient Indian burial grounds, a claim contested by the university as patently false, given the age and nature of the site in question. Readers may also remember more recent reports by Peter Vantouth that Ms. O’Hannigan had made claims to the Museum being haunted over recent months. Sheriff Stone states the idea of ghosts is “idiotic,” speculating the recent theft is most likely the work of protesters or thrillseeking teens, but is not discounting intentional theft by criminal parties, given the recent upswing in crime in the last few years. The Sheriff promises that whomever injured the Curator will be found and punished to the full extent of the law.

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Stalking Bigfoot with Nathan Prize
by Peter Vantouth, Red Hook Herald

It just goes to show, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.

Last Saturday’s Town Hall meeting may have been just another boring affair of small town politics, but the real revelations as to our Mayor, Nathan Prize, came about afterward. An unplanned hike out to the closed down Sleepaway Camp. An unexpected encounter with Red Hook’s own Shatewan, our name for Sasquatch (or “Big Foot”). A man with no memory of who he was. Red Hook truly is home to mysteries, and our Mayor doesn’t shy away from them!

First things first. Our story began a few days before with a naked man stumbling out of the woods. A man with no hair from head to toe, no memory of who he is, no identity or injury. Who is he? We’ll call him “Dan.” Mystery man Dan seems to not exist. Not in any database I’ve looked in. No Milk Carton face for our man Dan. Abducted by aliens? Maybe. But I’ve yet to see any men in black hunting this forgetful fugitive. At the post Town Hall meeting the Mayor seemed intrigued by his plight, and he offered to look in to his case.

Now, as you all know from previous reports, I’ve long searched for more concrete evidence of Bigfoot, but except for a few blurry photos and recordings I (like many of my fellow Crytozoologists) have yet to gain the evidence to bring proper recognition to this strange, elusive inhabitant of our woods. As the night wore on and the event wrapped up, Mr. Prize came up with the idea of a midnight walk out where I’d most recently heard the elusive creature’s call, the currently closed Sleepaway Camp. Surprisingly several others took an interest in joining our nocturnal hunt, and soon Dan & I found myself leading an unplanned exploration with not only our Mayor, Mr. Prize, and his recently hired personal aid, Richard Abaddon, but Red Hook’s own darling, Sammantha Burgoi, and two of the Town’s finest, Deputies Nainking & Smith, there to keep us safe from Sasquatch, Spook or Extraterrestrial.

Well, the Shatewan proved as elusive as ever, but we heard it’s striking call, and smelled it’s distinctive scent. It was out there, watching us, that I think we can all agree. Of the rest – ghosts, goblins, or alien lights – we saw no sign.

But trust me, true believers. Mayor Prize has heard that call and tasted that mystery. And unlike prior holders of that post, I think he might just see to it we’ll finally get to the bottom of this mystery. The mystery that is Red Hook.

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Prize parties, public pandering?
by Lois Prescott, Red Hook Herald

While the daily minutes can tell you how this month’s town hall meeting went (hint: a crackdown on rising crime and promises to increase Sheriff’s budget seem to be on the agenda), it won’t cover the after party at Prize’s opulent mansion up in the hills overlooking both Garnett River to the east and our humble town to the west. With an eye to catering to City Councilmen, the Sheriff’s Department and even his rivals amongst the Garnett Family, Mayor Nathan Prize has again shone us his talent for hosting an extravagant social event and speaking platitudes to a public he does not walk amongst. While our previous mayor, Frank Garnett, may have been cut from the same historic home-grown aristocracy of the Garnett dynasty, he at least has always seen to the needs of our town, giving employment to those without work and help local businesses prosper. Unlike his predecessor however, Mayor Prize has yet to truly invest himself in our community.

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